I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
