I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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