Who did Billy Mays play for?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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