is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
True college students do jello shots in the library
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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