we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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