you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
