When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
