They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
