i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
