these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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