so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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