I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He did a backflip because drugs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
