Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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