The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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