i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
