I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
