yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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