Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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