life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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