If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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