Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
