I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
