dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
