so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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