You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This is my gift to your gina
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize