I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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