I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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