I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
