If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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