You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
