when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
