im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
