do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
