you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
