apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize