Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
