im having a threesome with these popsicles
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
