OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
