Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
