I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
