i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
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