Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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