He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
