her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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