I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
