i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
