so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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