i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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