You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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