I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
