I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
