How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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