Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
