My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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