The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
