I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
