Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
