hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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