I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
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