I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
