Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize