Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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