There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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