I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
