My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
