i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
send nudes
from the living room?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
