"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
