Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
