I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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