Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
